Remember When.......?

I may not remember what I had for dinner on Monday night, or why I bought that ugly blouse with the tags still on it that has been hanging in my closet for 8 months, OR where the hell I parked my car at WalMart....but I do remember a lot of things that matter the most.

As the weather warms up and a new season is on its way, I stare out at the sunshine and the goldfinches eating me out of house and home from their bird feeders.  A time of reflection.  A time of appreciation for simple things.  With our nation in economic, social, and political shambles...I remember when things were simpler. 

A month from now, my little niece will be graduating from high school and be forced to 'grow up' during a time where even grownups have a hard time being grown up with the struggles surrounding them.  I remember coloring Easter eggs with this same little girl and seeing a bunny rabbit out the window at that very moment.  I remember it like it was yesterday.

In the same stadium in which she will be graduating was the SAME stadium I graduated from Lodi High School.  The same place where we had our high school football games.  I remember vividly taking huge pieces of cardboard, fashioning them into a makeshift sled and sliding down the hill over and over again...laughing ourselves to tears.  I doubt they 'allow that' now. But I remember how it felt, and it felt great.  At 40, I would LOVE to get my hands on a refrigerator's cardboard box, and trick it out and slide down the hills of the Grape Bowl just ONE more time...just one more time.  And laugh my ass off to tears.

I love electronics...my lap top, my i-phone, my 50" plasma HD TV.  But I remember when the 'best toys' did NOT have batteries, or electrical cords, OR Wi-Fi.  And we loved them and were perfectly happy playing with them.  I remember...getting huge industrial sized plastic sheets, a bottle of Palmolive dishsoap, and a hose and sprinkler and construsting the most kick-ass redneck slip `n` slide the world has ever seen!  The velocity in which that sucker shot us out would make the US Bobsled Team proud. 

Kids nowadays have quads, and dune buggies, and mini-cars and all kinds of crap.  I remember...my brothers and I had the most ugly-ass, McGyver'd go-cart you'd ever lay eyes on.  We constructed it out of ply wood (all shapes and sizes), some nails and screws, and some kind of lawnmower motor or something.  We used to drive that son of a bitch up and down our long driveway, taking turns, and even making a racetrack out of  rocks, and branches and whatever we could get our grubby little hands on.  It was utter Heaven.

I remember we had a tree house in our backyard high up in an olive tree.  It was no architectural work of art by any means, but it was ours and it was our sanctuary.  I remember playing "Walnut "War"...What is that?  Well, we had the old-school aluminum trash cans.  We would use the lids as shields, and stock-pile walnuts and throw them at each other with the force of a major league pitcher.  The shields worked pretty well, but sometimes you'd get plummeted by some, and it hurt like hell...but it was great.  We loved it.

I remember...sheets + blankets + living-room furniture = the best 'fort' you could ever have.  We'd make mansions with several rooms.  I remember when riding in the back of the truck like a dog was cool.  It's illegal now, 'unsafe', but here I still am.  I remember picking oranges from our tree and selling them on the corner in front of our house in the rickety stand that we erected.  We would make just enough money to go to the movies and they were the best movies we ever saw because we earned it.

I remember camping as a kid, and I forgot my fishing pole one time.  That didn't stop me-NO way.  I found a nice, sturdy stick, salvaged some tangled 6-lb. test line that I found along the path, and scored some rusty fish hooks from the man working at the bait shop. After final construction of my fishing pole, I wadded up some wonder bread to my rusty fish hook, sat on the dock with my feet dangling over the edge and dropped her in.  I think I probably caught 20 perch that day.  And I was probably the cutest, filthiest, most adorably rugged 9-year-old girl you ever saw.

I remember getting a chalkboard eraser, and playing 'steal-the bacon' in our driveway.  I also remember running back with it and taking a faceplant on the aggregate...getting a fat-lip and stitches.  But it was awesome.

I find that now, people get so wrapped up in things that don't really matter.  "keeping up with the Joneses"..."NEEDING" all the latest and greatest technology, buying their kids ridiculously expensive shit that they don't even need. Don't get me wrong...I WAS spoiled and had just about every 'cool' toy there was in existence.  But the ones I remember the most, the ones that created the best MEMORIES were the ones that you couldn't buy in any store.

I think if we remember simpler times, and embrace that silly, low-maintenance, creative child inside of us then maybe, JUST MAYBE...The 'bad things' won't seem so bad anymore. 

And so I am just sayin'....REMEMBER, reflect, appreciate, embrace, and SHARE....

~Rhonda~

PS...You got any memories to share and pass on...?

"If" you were a parent, you'd understand

"I am SO sick of being pregnant/'fat'" ""What I'd give to be a size 8"  I can't wait to be able to drink/have wine again" I really didn't plan this one, but oh well"......
That is what expectant mothers say.

"I would give my ANYTHING to be pregnant, to be fat, to not drink, to sacrifice ANYTHING to feel my baby kick inside of me....to be a mom"

Growing up, as a lower/middle class child, I basically remember one of my first toys being a doll.  From a young age, I have wanted to be a mom.  That is something in my life that I cannot change.  I WANT to be a mom, as much as the air that I breathe, one way or another.  Currently I am a dental hygienist, though not a motherly job it still requires a lot of comforting, people skills.  Every day I am confronted with the questions that hurt me the most "So, do YOU have any kids?" and the old ladies are keen on this one "Well you better hurry! You can't have babies forever!"......NOT TO BE a bad person but fuck all y'all,

For those who don't really know what it's like for somebody like me, who basically it would be a miracle to get pregnant, this is a LIST of things not to do/say (cuz we have fucking tried it all)

1  " well, have you ever tried...." "you gotta read..." "you gotta take your temperature....".....

I realize that there is ony one thing above, and believe me.  I have TRIED it ALL.  Your 'expertise' although well-intended, does not apply to me or someone like me.  Your best bet?  Honestly, smile and nod, give support and not offer any sugestions.  All options have been investigated.  Adoption suggestions ARE good, since there ARE so many options and vary. 

There was a time in my life where I would not necessarily resent, but....envy?  When my friends/family were having babies right and left. I actually spent thousands of dollars and stuck needles in myself to do what "any"woman should be able to do naturally............but to no success.  NOW, I think I am a point of peace in my life.  When my friend calls and says 'I'm pregnant', I don't want to wallow in my sorrow, but rather I want to cry with happiness.  I want to go out and be 'cool aunt Rhonda' and celebrate.  I still don't get why the "Dugger's" in Arkansas can have 19 kids and I can't have even one, but that is God's plan.

What I do ask of my friends are:
adoption options

that's it.  Just so you know, private adoption is not an option;  It is literally thousands of dollars that we do not have.

A Letter To My Ovary

Dear Left Ovary,                                                                     August 27, 2010

     After much comtemplation I have decided to evict you from "MY" house.  For the past five years or so, you have become quite the disruptive (and not to mention, LOUSY and worthless) tenant.  I am fed up with you and your painful antics and so I absolutely cannot wait to kick your ass out for good.

     I actually thought that I would miss you.  After all, you were really pushing the envelope back in 2006, but I gave you a second chance.  No more, I tell you!  You can pack your shit up, get your 'cyst'er and all your roudy
endometre-ites, and get the hell out once and for good.  You guys will NOT be missed.  Maybe with YOU gone, your neighbor RO (right ovary) might be happier and more pleasant to be around.  One can only hope, after all the shit that I have endured to keep you around.  Screw you.

     And so, this is goodbye...adios...caio.  You have five days before forclosure is final.  Good riddence, and don't let the door hit you on your way out.


Love,
Rhonda